July 10 - Case of the Misplaced Modifier

[pompey_01]

Title: The Case of the Misplaced Modifier
Author: Pompey
Universe: ACD / meta
Rating: G
Warnings: crackiness and blatant authorial intrusion
Word count: 200
Summary: Watson lets me (Pompey) beta read a story. He becomes somewhat displeased.
Prompt: July 10 - Editorial woes. 

 ____________________________________________________________________________

Watson eyed the manuscript I placed in front of him. “What happened? Did you buy stock in red ink?”

“What happened?” I retorted. “Did you buy stock in mediocre writing?”

“Mediocre!”

“Shut up,” I warned Holmes, as he looked over at us and started to open his mouth.  He paused and went back to reading his newspaper. I turned back to Watson. “Yes, this is mediocre. You can do way better than this. I’ve seen you do it.”

“What is mediocre about it?”

“Well, you start off teasing us for two paragraphs with cases you’ll never write up and have no bearing on this story’s case. You could cut them out entirely without missing them. And by the time you start setting the scene, you’re almost leaning into purple prose to create the atmosphere."

“There’s nothing purple about this sentence,” Watson protested, pointing into the third paragraph.

I sighed. “Read it aloud.”

“ ‘As evening drew in, the storm grew higher and louder, and the wind cried and sobbed like a child in the chimney.’”(1)

When finished, Watson looked at me expectantly. I sighed again. “OK, now tell me: how exactly does a child in the chimney cry and sob?”

____________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: 1) The Five Orange Pips

2) If you have never read “The Annotated Sherlock Holmes” or “The New Annotated Sherlock Holmes” then you should do so. They pick up on so many little details and put in so many little tidbits it’s a veritable nursery for plot bunnies. Like this one.