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pompey_01Title: The Case of the Bickering Inspectors
Author: Pompey
Universe: ACD
Rating: G
Warnings: gratuitous ridiculousness
Word count: 450
Summary: Holmes and Watson may bicker like an old married couple but Lestrade and Gregson go at it like Abbott and Costello.
Prompt: July 30 – Include at least one homonym pair
Lestrade gave an experimental tug on the door in the brick enclosure wall. “Locked.”
Gregson looked to Watson. “You’re sure Mr. Holmes is inside?”
“I’m sure,” Watson said grimly. “His telegram said he was going in. I can’t imagine a locked door stopping him. He probably scaled it already.”
“I don’t think I’m able to do that,” Lestrade admitted, tilting his head back to get a better look at the top of the wall.
“I know I can’t,” replied Watson, and sighed. “I suppose there’s no helping it then.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pick kit. “Holmes is far better at this than I but it’s Hobson’s choice.”
“Doctor!” Gregson protested. “We’re agents of the law. We can’t allow you to – ”
“Then turn your backs and don’t watch what I do. I’m not leaving Holmes to take on how many forgers by himself.” So saying, Watson selected a tool and crouched down to begin picking the lock.
Bowing to the inevitable, both inspectors turned around and feigned ignorance at the goings-on behind them. After a time, Gregson started fidgeting and Lestrade was lightly drumming his fingers against the hem of his coat.
“Did that case with the fowler from Graveshead ever get wrapped up?” Lestrade eventually asked.
“Yes, finally but unsuccessfully,” said Gregson. “Poor bugger will never see that ten quid again but perhaps he’s learned a lesson for the future.”
“Well, you know what they say about a fool and his money,” Lestrade said. “I know I haven’t ten pounds to waste on an obvious scam like that. Have you?”
“I don’t, no.”
“You don’t know?”
“No, of course I know.”
“Well, if you don’t want to tell me, just say so.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Why not what?”
“Why not just tell me if you don’t want to tell me?”
“I am telling you! No!”
“No, you won’t tell me?”
“For goodness sake, gentlemen!” Watson finally shouted. “Lestrade, Gregson’s answer is no, he hasn’t got the ten pounds. Gregson, be more clear with your phrasing. Now, may I please have some quiet so I can concentrate? This isn’t as easy as it looks.”
There was a minute of silence.
“You could have just said that, you know,” Lestrade muttered under his breath.
“Said what?” Gregson whispered back.
“That you don’t have ten pounds to waste on a scam.”
“I did say that. You weren’t listening carefully.”
“I was listening. You weren’t being clear.”
“I was being perfectly clear. It’s not my fault if you can’t understand plain English.”
Behind them, Watson finally succeeded in opening the door. He stood, spared a glance back at the oblivious inspectors, and quietly slipped inside to find Holmes.
